..cause we just wanna be home
current mood: 
- Frustratedlistening to: the noise of what my brother's playing on another computer.Its already almost 12:30am here on my clock
and my class would start by 7:00 am.
Wow, Im staying up late again, but no,
Ill just post this shit then Im done.
I dunno why but there's always something bothering me.
And definitely, I feel frustrated about it because I cant even figured it out.
Im just telling myself that maybe, its because Im already a graduating student and now I have to face everything's there.
Lately, Ive noticed.. I feel like Im either not myself anymore or Im discovering my fears that Im not even aware. Its really confusing.
My relationship with him's sort of giving me a hard time right now.
I feel like he never trusted me ever since though I can feel how much he can give for me, but yeah, I still feel incomplete. We just had a little talk about personal stuff and I sort of feel bad about something because he keeps on insisting this stupid question that he've been asking me since we got together and though he already knew the answer, he still wants to hear it from me over and over again! Ofcourse, I got irritated. Ayoko ng makulit e!
But I guess, we'll find ways to clear that.
Another thing, my health condition.
Honestly, this is my major problem right now next to my academics.
My colds and cough keeps on persisting. ITS BEEN 2 FUCKING MONTHS NOW! Ive been taking meds and all that shit but it wont leave me. Ive been told that maybe its something serious, like pneumonia or bronchitis but hell no, I wont conclude that fast without consulting the doctor but ugh! I HATE DOCTORS! seriously. I dont want them to check me. I mean, when Im already there, its fine but going alone to ask whats my condition? I might die first.
See? thats one of the weird things I couldnt even explain. Ill be a future but I dont like doctors. Err, thats why I understand why people cant have the guts to let the professionals check them when they're sick.
One more is.. I have this thing on my fore-legs, its like a bruise but I know its not because it started as a non-painful, err.. like a small insect bite. And now, I can feel theres something hard inside and its like a bruise now. It feels awkward because my uniform's a dress-cut knee level and its grossly noticeable. *sighs*
Im really worried that it'll end up as a tumor or something really serious because Ive also noticed that my legs are starting to get weaker and weaker. I cant stand for a long period of time nor walk too much. I get easily tired and its bothering me. You think I have to see a doctor now? I still cant. We dont have enough to pay for my medical checkups and all.
Lastly, [though Im sure theres more but I swear this is the last part] I hate my mom for being sucha lazy arse that she is. Same with my dad.
Both of them dont have any jobs! My family only survives because of our computer shop that Im sure, would be dead soon. As days passed by, there would be less costumers unlike years ago.
I even blame them for being careless, like they wouldnt even care of how their kids would grow up like. Because they're still immatures, they still depends on my grannies. Its my granddad who pays for me and my siblings' education, he's still working at his age of 70+! Ive been nagging my mom and dad to do something about it because sooner or later the old guy would retire and there would be no one else we can turn to because for sure, my relatives wouldnt even care to help us.
I grew up keeping myself, dealing alone with anything's attacking me. Ive never learned to tell anyone what I feel, how horrible Im feeling and how I would want to die in any minute. The environment that surrounded me eversince, never asked me how I am for a moment. They knew me as happy-go-lucky because Im a good pretender. I hide anything bad about me or Ill just sit around the corner and convince myself to ignore it. Ive been running away from for like, forever and Im starting to get tired of it. Now Im a coward. I cant even face a single responsibility. Im even scared of the future, never got excited of what Ill be after college. This is how horrible I am and music is the only thing that could rely on to. Nobody can understand me. I tried opening up with the closest friends I know but I ended up being ignored and worst, left out. Nobody knows how bad Im feeling every single day because nobody cares to listen and it cant be helped! FUCK THAT, MAN! Im seriously doomed.
Jeez.. when will all this shit stop?
Im really tired of overthinking about everything.
Its ruining my focus for this semester and I dont want anyone to disappoint just because I failed my exam or whatever. I CANT EVEN DISAPPOINT MYSELF. I just cant. But how?
(>_<)
